It’s summer, you need to get out of the house, you’re hot and tired and just a little bit hungry. Where do you go? Well, there’s always Costco …
Good morning! Welcome to Costco!
Young couple on left checking out TVs. Woman: Ooooh, look at that one honey. Look how big it is! How big is ours? Man: 52 inches. Woman: How big is that one? Man: 60. Woman: Oh.
Employee in Hairnet: Try some organic hulled pumpkin seeds! Rich in omega-3s and other good stuff. You’re welcome sir. Take some home with you. Makes a great, healthy snack.
First aisle, Woman: Do we need coffee? Man: We always need coffee. (Well said, good sir. Well said.)
Rounding the corner is a father with three kids. Father: I think we’re done now. Are we done? Kids: Yeah! Father: Oh, wait, we still need peanuts, remember? Kids: Oh yeah! Peanuts! Yay! (This family is strangely enthusiastic about peanuts. I move away.)
Next aisle, Chubby man: Hey, that chili looks good. Let’s get that. Less chubby wife: We don’t need 104 ounces of it. Chubby man: But remember, my family is coming over. Less chubby wife: That’s true.
Woman on cell phone: I told him I wasn’t going to do that, but did he listen? Oh no, of course not. He never listens. I swear, sometimes … you know what I think I’m going to do? I’m gonna …
Enthusiastic Peanut Family returns for something. Enthusiastically. Thus making me miss what Woman on Cell Phone was gonna do. Damn Enthusiastic Peanut Family.
Another Employee in Hairnet: Try some Alpine Valley organic sprouted flaxseed …
Two couples standing near Toast Lady: First man: Where do you go to church? Other man: CCV. First man: Really? We go there too! Been going there long? Other man: Oh, couple years or so. First man: Really? Us too. (No one knows anyone else at this church. Their attendance rivals Disneyland.)
Employee in Hairnet tries to direct attention back to toast: You can find the bread to my right. Organic, gluten-free, no GMOs … only $5.99 for two loaves …
Brilliant man by liquor department: How come they never give liquor samples? Wouldn’t that be great? They should totally do that. Give us samples of the tequila, whiskey … this peach vodka. I’d like to try that. Trader Joe’s gives wine samples. Costco should be able to do liquor samples. (I have found my soul mate.)
Helpful Husband: Do we have tomatoes? Apathetic Wife: Yes, we have tomatoes. Helpful Husband: Have you had these? These are good. Apathetic Wife: We don’t need them. Helpful Husband: These are Camparis, though. Have you had these? These are great. Apathetic wife: You can get them if you want them. Helpful Husband: Oh look! Gourmet medley tomatoes! We should get these! Apathetic Wife: Whatever.
Yet Another Employee in Hairnet: Try rotisserie chicken salad. Made fresh in our deli …
Concerned Father: Where did Mommy go? Did we lose Mommy again? (Always misplacing Mommy …)
Wife: Do we need any cheese? Husband: No. Wife: Sour cream? Husband: No. Wife: Yogurt? Husband: No. Wife: Potato chips? Husband: Yes. (A man with priorities)
Another Employee in Hairnet spotted. Woman: What is she giving out? Companion: Pasta. Woman: Oooh, I want to try that. (She needs to meet the Toast Lady)
Guess what? Another Employee in Hairnet: We have delicious V-8 juice to try today. It’s cold. (Man takes a sample) Oh, good morning Mr. Zach. How are you? (Wow — how often does this guy hit the samples at Costco? Employees know him by name!)
Mother to young daughter: It’s vegetable juice honey. I don’t think you’ve ever had vegetable juice before. Do you want to try some? It’s like fruit juice, only with vegetables. (Yeah, lady. Like that’ll work.)
Young woman: That would look nice in your living room, Mom. And really, it’s not a bad price. Only $1,500. Mother: It would never fit. Daughter: Sure it would. Mother: No it won’t. My place is small. Daughter: It’s not that small. Mother: This thing is huge. Daughter: It’s not that huge. Mother: I can’t get up. Help me up.
Final Employee in Hairnet: Try some soda with real fruit juice added in. Woman: That’s good … sweet though. Employee: Yes, it is sweet, but you know what I was thinking is that it would be good with alcohol. Woman: Hey, yeah, that’s a good idea. That a really good idea! (I have found my long lost sister.)
Woman: You know what the problem with Costco is? You can’t find stylish jeans in Costco. Woman’s friend: Oh, that doesn’t bother me. I don’t wear stylish jeans. (How self-aware can you get?)
And so ends another typical Saturday morning at Costco. You time your trip right and you won’t have to worry about lunch. And if you’re really smart, you’ll pick up a rotisserie chicken, salad kit and french bread for your dinner. Because it’s summer and who wants to cook in the summer, am I right?
But if your family is anything like mine, you will have leftover chicken. So here’s a recipe for your leftovers:
Chicken Tortilla Soup
I start this out in my Vitamix and finish it up in a saucepan. The Vitamix would cook it if I let it run long enough, but I don’t like the noise and I miss the smell of soup cooking on the stove. If you think summer is a bad time for soup, you’re wrong. Slightly spicy soups, like this one, fit the bill perfectly. You’ll have to trust me on this.
- 15 oz. can chicken broth
- 15 oz. can diced tomatoes (I used Muir Glen fire roasted tomatoes)
- 1 carrot, diced
- 1/2 onion, diced
- 2 cups chopped spinach or another green vegetable (once it’s blended in, you won’t know it’s there, so it’s a great way to boost your vegie intake)
- 1 garlic clove, peeled and chopped
- 1/2 green or red bell pepper, chopped
- salt and pepper to taste
- 1/2 teaspoon chili powder
- 1/2 teaspoon cumin
- 15 oz. can black beans
- Leftover chicken, chopped, or a can of chicken. Your call.
Add all ingredients except beans and chicken to blender, Puree until smooth. (If you don’t have a powerful blender, you may want to zap the carrot in the microwave first so it purees better.) Add beans and pulse a few times. Pour contents into a saucepan and add chicken. Cook over low heat until heated through. Check for seasoning, add more if needed.
Optional toppings: Tortilla strips or chips, shredded cheese, cilantro, chopped avocado, chopped tomatoes or pico de gallo