I’m not a bartender, so I can’t claim to have expert knowledge on beverages and the personalities of those who drink them, but I am a person who has opinions and a blog. A dangerous combination, to be sure.
If you order …
Beer: If you are a guy, you are one of the guys. No more, no less. Nothing to be ashamed of. If you are a gal, you are also one of the guys, and you tend to prefer football over baseball. One of your best friends drinks wine. Secretly you think she can be a snob, but deep down she’s a good person so you don’t mind. You’re bighearted that way.
Wine: If you’re a guy, you’re aware most people think you’re a snob so when you’re with the guys, you drink beer. But you always bring your own and make certain it’s a well-crafted micro brew or at least a respectable ale. Deep down, you know you’re a snob. If you’re a gal, you prefer baseball to football and one of your best friends drinks beer. Secretly you think she started drinking beer just to hang out with guys, but she seems to actually like it now so you don’t mind. You’re broad-minded that way.
Old Fashioned: If you’re a guy, you’ve been watching too much Mad Men. You need to let it go. No one is impressed. If you’re a gal, you are trying to impress the guy you’re with. Oh, honey … please don’t. If you want a strawberry daiquiri, just order a strawberry daiquiri.
Strawberry Daiquiri: You’re pleased to be an adult and finally able to drink alcohol whenever you want, but when it comes right down to it, you don’t like the taste of alcohol. It took forever, but you finally found a drink you like and this is it. However if you’re a guy, you found out daiquiris are considered girly. It’s so unfair.
Piña Colada, Mai Tai, Mojito, basically anything tropical: More gender neutral than daiquiris, these are more about your attitude than your personality. You are imagining yourself at a beach somewhere, lounging under the shade. A soft, warm breeze caresses your face; steel drums play in the background. The cabana boy has a pretty smile.
Margaritas: You are eating Mexican food or would like to be eating Mexican food. You really like Mexican food, margaritas, and you kind of like Jimmy Buffett, too. Drinking margaritas always makes you feel slightly trashy, but they taste good so what the hell. Oh, and look — here’s a mango one. And raspberry! Have you had the raspberry? Mmmm.
Martini: You are an attention seeker and high maintenance. Sorry, but it’s the truth. You’ll have a vodka martini, stirred, NOT shaken, dirty, with all the olives you’re entitled to. Truly, celebrities accept awards with less fanfare.
Gin & Tonic: You suffered a traumatic event, possibly involving a head injury, and it affected your taste buds. You also like to live life on the edge, for you never know what you’re going to get when you order a G&T. You might get a refreshing summer drink with a slight herbal, menthol taste, or you might get arsenic. It’s a crap shoot.
Whiskey Sour: This is what a G&T drinker orders when they don’t trust the bartender. A whiskey sour is safe. At its best, it’s a decent bourbon with a little lemon juice and sweetener. At its worst, it’s a cheap whiskey with store-bought sour mix. Either way, it’s drinkable.
Rum and Coke: You are in high school. You’re hanging with a bunch of your friends and one of them snuck a bottle of rum out of their parent’s liquor cabinet. You stop at a convenience store and everyone fills their cups halfway with Coke. Once outside, you fill it the rest of the way with rum. You feel really cool.
Rum and Dr. Pepper: You are in high school, hanging with a bunch of your friends, and no one told you one of them has a bottle of rum. You think it odd how they’re all buying half a cup of Coke, but you go ahead and get your usual Dr. Pepper. Why didn’t they tell you they had rum? Can’t say. But you don’t want to seem out of it so you let them pour rum into your Dr. Pepper. You discover why people don’t drink rum and Dr. Pepper. Together it makes weed killer. You pour it out when no one is looking.
Pepsi, Coke or Sprite: You’re thirsty and you like soda. Don’t read too much into it.
Lemonade: You’re thirsty and you’re sick to death of drinking plain old water. God, how you want a Coke.
Well, that was fun. Now it’s your turn. We all make judgments on people based on the drinks they order. (Don’t deny it, you know you do.) What do you think when a person orders a _____________________? Let us know in the comments!
To keep you refreshed this summer, I’m giving you a recipe for iced tea. Yes, I know, iced tea is ridiculously easy to make, but it surprises me how many people goof it up. I mean, I know people who use instant tea, for crying out loud! Instant tea? Tea takes three freakin’ minutes to brew! Who doesn’t have three minutes?
I figure if I can prevent at least one person from using instant iced tea mix, I have done the world a favor. And the beauty of this is that you brew it while you sleep, so you don’t have to worry about wasting three minutes.
Overnight Iced Tea
I like to use 2 Twinings Earl Grey and 2 Celestial Seasonings Peach Passion, but you can use anything your heart desires. Varying it up is half the fun.
Fill your pitcher with water, use filtered if you’re feeling fancy, add the tea bags, and stick it in the refrigerator to brew overnight. In the morning, remove tea bags. The tea will be perfect and ready to enjoy throughout the day.
By the way, instant tea was created by the devil. I thought you should know that.