I Sold My Soul to Fitbit

For those of you who have not yet joined the craze — oh, you sweet, innocent things — Fitbit is a type of fitness tracker. Kind of like a super cool, high tech pedometer, only better. Husband gave me one for my birthday, because he knows I like toys.

Remember that Twilight Zone episode, Talky Tina? Where the doll talked to the man and tormented him and threatened him and in the end killed him?

I don’t know what made me think of that. Anyway, back to my Fitbit.

Fitbits are so cool! It’s a fitness wristband to beat all fitness wristbands! It tracks my steps, the miles I walked, calories burned, the number of stairs I took, and when synced to my phone, tells me how long I slept, how many times I woke up or moved in my sleep, and how on track I am to any goals I set for myself. Some Fitbits even track your heart rate.

To be honest, I’m not seeking to lose weight. That’s not the point. But here’s the thing: when you accomplish your 10,000 steps, it gives you a buzz.

Click Here to Jump to Recipe

No, not a two glasses of red wine buzz. I’m talking about an oh-so-pleasant, rewarding little vibration on your wrist. I swear, they must have had a team of scientists working day and night to achieve just the perfect amount of pleasurable pulses. Because truly, it is most pleasurable. And you wouldn’t think the wrist is a body part requiring such pleasure, would you?

But that’s not even the coolest feature!

The best part of a Fitbit is that you can connect to anyone else who has a Fitbit, which is why my husband bought one for himself as well. I was able to connect to him, as well as to some family members and co-workers. It ranks us by our steps and anytime you sync to your phone, you can see everyone’s scores, send them messages and taunt … I mean … encourage them.

Fitbit awards badges too, for each of your accomplishments. The first time you reach 10,000 steps in one day, you get the Sneaker Badge. If you manage 10 flights of stairs in a day, you get a Happy Hill Badge. But wait! Once you accumulate a total of 70,000 steps, you gain the coveted Penguin March! You’ve actually matched the distance of the annual trip emperor penguins make to their breeding grounds! Honestly, when I reached that, I thought I heard Morgan Freeman applauding. (I’m sure he did.)

But here’s the thing: Fitbit allows you to see what badges your competitors … I mean, friends … are receiving as well. Besides the ones I received, my husband has the London Underground Badge (250 lifetime miles), the Roller coaster (125 floors in a day? What the hell?), and the Skydiver (1,000 lifetime floors!).

Do you get the feeling Husband has a fear of elevators?

I was mortified. That meant while I was prancing around the house, thrilled at having achieved the mighty March of the Penguins, Husband had already walked the equivalent of nearly 10 marathons! Auuuugghh!

It was enough to make a person lose heart, yet I soldiered on. I used every opportunity I could to gain more steps. I paced the kitchen waiting for my tea to brew. I marched while brushing my teeth. I left my work desk more often — coworkers had trouble locating me. Whenever Dog had to stop to do her business, I jogged in place. People stared. I cared not. But despite my best efforts, Husband still held that top spot.

Then it happened. One morning while playing racquetball, he tore his calf muscle.

Now, I want you to know, I hadn’t lost my soul entirely at this point. My first thought was of concern. I mean, we were going to Disneyland in less than two weeks! What the heck was he doing risking his mobility at a time like this!

But then … oh yes … this will slow him down. Yessssss ….. heh, heh, heh …

Oh man.  I am so gonna burn in hell!

Embed from Getty Images

On the plus side, I’ll have one firm tushy when I get there.

Well, enough about hell. Let’s talk dinner.

One thing about being more physically active is that you tend to gravitate toward more healthy foods as well. Or is that just me? Honestly, it seems like I’d use the opportunity to scarf down several croissants slathered with butter, but somehow I crave lighter foods. This dish fits the bill just right.