BuzzFeed is Trying to Blow My Cover!

I’m not going to worry about it though. Instead, I’m going to lull you all into a false sense of security by sharing my recipe for strawberry shortcake.

Because truly, no one can resist the power of a generous helping of strawberry shortcake.

But first, I have to stop taking those dang personality quizzes that keep popping up on my Facebook page. You know thefun quiz ones I’m talking about?

What is Your Spirit Animal?”

Which Classic Rock Band Are You?”

Which Character From Wizard of Oz Are You?”

Which Star Wars Character are you?”

You know, fun, harmless quizzes like that. Only I’m not so sure they’re harmless anymore.

I’m telling you, they’re on to me.

bunnyThe first one looked cute. One of my friends discovered her spirit animal was a bunny rabbit. Another friend said she was a puppy.

Aww, that’s so sweet!

I got a snake.snake

Hmm. Well, the description wasn’t too bad. It said I kept to myself and was misunderstood. That sounds about right.

Click to Jump to Recipe

I figured I’d do better with the classic rock band. I like classic rock. I grew up when they weren’t classic, just rock. Anyway, my sister was The Eagles. A co-worker got The Who. I took it … sweet! I got Pink Floyd! … because it said I had a dark side… hmm

You know where this is going, don’t you? My friends, who turned out to be Dorothy, Toto, and the Tin Man, now know they have to contend with me. That’s right, I’m the wicked witch. On account of she’s misunderstood and has a dark side.

I'm just misunderstood, my pretty!
I’m just misunderstood, my pretty!

Oh well. I guess I always wanted a flying monkey.

So why, in the face of all that, would I take a Star Wars quiz? Obviously I would get Darth Vader, right?

Apparently Darth Vader is too good for me. I got Emperor Palpatine. I swear I’m not making this up.

Emperor_RotJ
All I need is a little concealer. And maybe some blemish cream.

I figure there’s one of two possibilities at work here. Either I’m the only one answering these questions truthfully (I know my neighbor is not a flippin’ Ewok!) OR I really am a diabolic mastermind intent on taking over the world.

But let’s not think of that right now. Right now … let’s think about strawberry shortcake.

You like strawberry shortcake, right?… Of course you do… Give in to your cravings… Release yourself to the power of the shortcake!

The Best Strawberry Shortcake EVER

  • Servings: 6
  • Difficulty: Not exactly easy, but not hard either
  • Print

Ingredients:

  • 6 cups *frozen strawberries, thawed and slicedWP_20150802_19_44_01_Pro[1]
  • 1/2 cup sugar
  • 2 cups flour
  • 2 Tablespoons sugar
  • 3 teaspoons baking powder
  • 1 teaspoon salt
  • 1/2 teaspoon lemon zest (or orange zest)
  • 1/3 cup butter
  • 3/4 cup milk

Add the 1/2 cup sugar to the thawed strawberries; stir and let stand.

Heat oven to 425 degrees. Mix together flour, 2 Tablespoons sugar, baking powder, salt and zest. Cut butter into flour mixture until it resembles fine crumbs. Stir in milk until just combined and it rolls into a ball. Turn dough out to a floured surface and knead about five or six times. Pat dough into an 8-inch cake pan,  Bake 15 to 20 minutes, until lightly golden brown.

When cooled slightly, cut into six pie-shaped pieces. To serve, slice each triangle in half, spoon strawberries over the bottom, put the other half on top, spoon on more strawberries and top with real whipped cream. (You did make real whipped cream, right? Come on! You just made strawberry shortcake and you’re going to ruin it with canned stuff? No way!)

For REAL whipped cream: Beat 1 cup whipping cream and 3 Tablespoons sugar until peaks form. Stir in 1 teaspoon vanilla extract, serve. (There now. That wasn’t so hard, was it?)

*Using frozen berries is key. If you use fresh, it won’t create anywhere near as much sauce, and the sauce is the best part as it soaks into the shortcake. Fresh berries may make a prettier presentation, but when all is said and done, it’s the taste that counts. Stick with frozen.

Author: C. J. Hartwell

Christi lives in Phoenix with Husband, Son, Daughter, and Dog. She enjoys moonlit walks on the beach, but as she doesn't live anywhere near a beach, she's usually in bed by 9:30.

1 thought on “BuzzFeed is Trying to Blow My Cover!”

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