This last week, I lost my sunglasses. To fully understand the tragedy of this event, you must know that this was my favorite pair of sunglasses. They were stylish, lightweight, fit me perfectly, and were dark enough that if someone was talking to me, I could ignore them completely and they never knew. Oh, and they protected my eyes too.
Now they’re gone and I have to wear my back-up pair. Actually I have two back-up pairs. (I live in Phoenix, after all.) But neither pair is as nice as the pair I lost.
Well, maybe lost isn’t the correct word. I know exactly where they are.
They are wrapped in three plastic grocery bags, knotted twice, and sitting at the bottom of our garbage bin. Our outside garbage bin.
Here’s what happened …
Cat’s litter box needed cleaning and Dog needed a walk. Faced with two such projects, my brain processed the situation quickly and devised a plan that assured maximum efficiency, minimum mess and a quick resolution. For that is how my brain works.
It was high school Algebra that did it for me. Algebra teaches your brain how to think in an orderly manner. Did you know that?
Did I ever tell you that I was good in Algebra? Make that great. I was freakin’ great in Algebra. And my math teachers loved me because I showed all my work and all my work was very, very, very tidy.
My columns were straight, my writing was clear, and I never had spills on my homework. Ever. Because if anything spilled on my homework, I had to start over. Ergo, I never spilled anything.
I believe a few of my math teachers had my homework framed and hanging in their living rooms. It was that beautiful.
Anyway, back to the litter box/dog walking situation. I had my three plastic grocery bags (double bagging is for amateurs), I was wearing my heavy duty rubber gloves (the ones with extra long cuffs), Dog’s leash was attached to her collar, my sunglasses were perched stylishly on top of my head, and the back door was open, allowing for a speedy departure once the dirty deed was done.
A word now about cat litter.
If you share a residence with a cat, then I know you are aching to find out what type of cat litter I use and my opinion of it. This is the main topic of conversation among those us who live with cats. After all, there’s something like 100 different brands of cat litter and among those brands, 75 different varieties. Or there about.
Have you seen this one? It promises that you will “never dump out the litter box” again. It’s called “Super Clump.” It clumps so well that nothing breaks apart. No small bits fall through the scoop, meaning all remaining litter is perfectly clean and you will never have to dump the litter box.
By the way, has anyone else ever been so disgusted with the condition of a litter box that you truly did throw out the entire litter box, plastic bin and all? And then had to drive to the store in the dead of night to purchase a new one?
Huh. Guess it’s just me, then.
Anyway, back to the litter. Okay, the thing about this Super Clump litter is that it creates a SUPER clump of litter. So unless you clean the litter box every day — oh hell, make that twice a day — that clump is going to keep getting bigger and bigger until it’s one huge, massive clump of litter, and you can’t break it apart. A jackhammer can’t break that bastard apart. And it’ll weigh something like 300 pounds!
Seriously, how much can one cat drink? Where is all this liquid coming from? That little plastic litter scoop sure ain’t gonna pick it up. Maybe a garden shovel, I don’t know. All I know is that I did my darnedest trying to finagle the clump over to the side of the litter box and negotiate it into the bag, without getting it anywhere near me or even my gloved hand, because then I might have to cut off my hand.
I nearly had it… and… plunk… there went my sunglasses. Right into the litter box. On top of the huge freakin’ clump of litter.
I realized in that instant there was nothing — no amount of scalding water, no amount of bleach, no form of radiation — that could ever convince me those sunglasses could be worn again.
It’s not easy being clean.
This reminds me of the time I had to throw out a truly marvelous toaster due to it being contaminated by a mouse. Remind me to tell you about that sometime. For now, it’s time for our recipe.
You don’t need a recipe to make one though. Here’s a quick run-down: You crumple one yellow cake and one chocolate cake into a brand new litter box, spoon vanilla pudding on top, sprinkle vanilla cookie crumbs on top of that, then warm up tootsie rolls, roll them in your hands until they look like you-know-what and add them to the cookie crumb “litter.” Take this to your next party when you don’t want to be invited to any more parties.
The recipe I’m giving you is one people will actually want to eat, and relates better to my post because it’s a dump cake. (Get it? — dumping the cat litter?) Dump cakes are great. All you do is dump the ingredients in the pan and put it in the oven. You don’t even stir. In fact, most recipes will state very emphatically, DO NOT STIR!!! As if the whole thing will explode on impact. Problem is, every recipe I found used store-bought cake mixes and pie fillings, and some even used soda.
That’s not the way we roll, friends. Here at Feeding on Folly, we like to use the best ingredients possible and I’m pleased to share with you our delicious result. This is made with fresh fruit and no cake mix in sight.
Apple Crumb Dump Cake
- 3 or 4 apples, peeled and thinly sliced
- 1 cup plus 2 Tablespoons flour
- 1/2 cup rolled oats
- 3/4 cup brown sugar
- 1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
- 1/2 teaspoon salt
- Cinnamon and nuts, optional
- 1/2 cup butter, melted
- 1 cup very hot water
Preheat oven to 350 degrees; butter an 8-inch baking pan (or use cooking spray). Put apples slices in pan and spread evenly.
Stir together flour, oats, sugar, baking powder and salt. Sprinkle evenly over apple slices. Sprinkle cinnamon and nuts on top, if using. Pour melted butter on top, add boiling water. All the powdery bits should be covered, but if not, poke them with a spoon until they are. (You don’t have to stir, but you can if you want. Nothing will explode.)
Bake at 350 degrees for 35 to 40 minutes. Serve warm with ice cream, but it’s good at room temperature too.
Be sure to clean the kitchen when you’re done.