Are You There God? It’s Me, the Writer

Angel: Excuse me, Sir/Madam? There’s someone here for you.

God: Who Is It? It’s Not Trump Is It? MyName, I Can Not Stand That Guy.

Angel: Excuse me, Sir/Madam? There’s someone here for you.

God: Who Is It? It Is Not Trump Is It? MyName, I Can Not Stand That Guy.

Angel: No. Believe it or not, it’s her.

God: Really? She Must Want Something. Okay, Let Her In.


Angel: The Holy Omnipresent Universal Life Force and Infinite Spirit will see you now.

Me: (reading back issue of Cosmo) Oh, okay. One second, I want to mark this article…

Angel: Seriously?

Me: Okay, I’m ready now.

God: Well, Look Who’s Here.

Me: Hi God! How have you been?

God: I Am Good, But Then I Am Always Good. It Has Been A While Since We Last Spoke. A Long While.

Me: Oh, yeah. Sorry about that. Been kinda busy, you know?

God: Of Course I Know. I Always Know.

Me: Right. So, I was wondering if I could have your help on something?

God: I Know.

Me: Oh… um… Can I say it anyway?

God: Go Ahead. It Will Make You Feel Better.

Me: Okay, well, I’ve been working on this story and I’m kind of stuck on the ending. Any ideas?

God: You Know, It Has Always Fascinated Me What Kind Of Things Trouble You.

Me: Well, it’s been on my mind a lot.

God: I Know.

Me: Right. So… what do you think? Any ideas how I should end this thing?

God: Have You Considered Killing Everyone?

Me: What, really? Just killing them all?

God: Yes. Maybe A Plague Or Nuclear Disaster.

Me: Seems a bit extreme. Do you really think it’s a good idea?

God: I Think About It All The Time.

Me: Wow. I could have done without knowing that.

God: Don’t Worry. There’s Still That Rainbow Thing Happening.

Me: Right. Well, back to my story. I’d rather not wipe out all these characters. I’ve gotten kind of attached to them.

God: Tell Me About It.

Me: So have you got any other ideas? Anything that doesn’t involve mass murder?

God: Well, You Could Always Try Having Your Characters Reach An Understanding Of The Human Condition And Overcome Their Weaknesses By Reaching Self Awareness And An Acceptance of Universal Truth.

Me: Uh-huh.

God: Or Like I Said, You Could Just Blow Them Up.

Me: Right. Well, I’ll give it some thought.

God: Did You Think Being A Creator Would Be Easy?

Me: Thanks for the help.

God: No Problem. Don’t Be A Stranger.

Author: CJ Hartwell

After spending most of her life in Phoenix, Arizona, CJ Hartwell moved to the middle of Minnesota. Is she nuts? Probably. For updates on her sanity, click on the link to follow by email.

13 thoughts on “Are You There God? It’s Me, the Writer”

  1. This is AWESOME! Wow.. Loved the post. I notice how God’s words received special capital starts.. Nice move, there! The post is really witty and about God’s responses… Well, mankind better not talk to God a lot! 😛


Leave a Comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s