Are You There God? It’s Me, the Writer

Angel: Excuse me, Sir/Madam? There’s someone here for you.

God: Who Is It? It’s Not Trump Is It? MyName, I Can Not Stand That Guy.

Angel: Excuse me, Sir/Madam? There’s someone here for you.

God: Who Is It? It Is Not Trump Is It? MyName, I Can Not Stand That Guy.

Angel: No. Believe it or not, it’s her.

God: Really? She Must Want Something. Okay, Let Her In.

 

Angel: The Holy Omnipresent Universal Life Force and Infinite Spirit will see you now.

Me: (reading back issue of Cosmo) Oh, okay. One second, I want to mark this article…

Angel: Seriously?

Me: Okay, I’m ready now.

God: Well, Look Who’s Here.

Me: Hi God! How have you been?

God: I Am Good, But Then I Am Always Good. It Has Been A While Since We Last Spoke. A Long While.

Me: Oh, yeah. Sorry about that. Been kinda busy, you know?

God: Of Course I Know. I Always Know.

Me: Right. So, I was wondering if I could have your help on something?

God: I Know.

Me: Oh… um… Can I say it anyway?

God: Go Ahead. It Will Make You Feel Better.

Me: Okay, well, I’ve been working on this story and I’m kind of stuck on the ending. Any ideas?

God: You Know, It Has Always Fascinated Me What Kind Of Things Trouble You.

Me: Well, it’s been on my mind a lot.

God: I Know.

Me: Right. So… what do you think? Any ideas how I should end this thing?

God: Have You Considered Killing Everyone?

Me: What, really? Just killing them all?

God: Yes. Maybe A Plague Or Nuclear Disaster.

Me: Seems a bit extreme. Do you really think it’s a good idea?

God: I Think About It All The Time.

Me: Wow. I could have done without knowing that.

God: Don’t Worry. There’s Still That Rainbow Thing Happening.

Me: Right. Well, back to my story. I’d rather not wipe out all these characters. I’ve gotten kind of attached to them.

God: Tell Me About It.

Me: So have you got any other ideas? Anything that doesn’t involve mass murder?

God: Well, You Could Always Try Having Your Characters Reach An Understanding Of The Human Condition And Overcome Their Weaknesses By Reaching Self Awareness And An Acceptance of Universal Truth.

Me: Uh-huh.

God: Or Like I Said, You Could Just Blow Them Up.

Me: Right. Well, I’ll give it some thought.

God: Did You Think Being A Creator Would Be Easy?

Me: Thanks for the help.

God: No Problem. Don’t Be A Stranger.

Author: C. J. Hartwell

Christi lives in Phoenix with Husband, Son, Daughter, and Dog. She enjoys moonlit walks on the beach, but as she doesn't live anywhere near a beach, she's usually in bed by 9:30.

13 thoughts on “Are You There God? It’s Me, the Writer”

  1. This is AWESOME! Wow.. Loved the post. I notice how God’s words received special capital starts.. Nice move, there! The post is really witty and about God’s responses… Well, mankind better not talk to God a lot! 😛

    Like

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