The Thanksgiving Game: 2016 Edition

Setting the scene:

Your family is gathering for Thanksgiving dinner. You haven’t seen these people for a whole year, and you were perfectly fine with that. But now you’ll be with them and you’re still feeling raw from events a few weeks ago. Will you survive? This game can show the way!

Objective:

To survive Thanksgiving dinner with some shred of dignity

thanksgiving-game

Your success or failure depends upon the following behaviors:

You arrive early and help Aunt Joan in the kitchen, even though she corrects everything you do: Advance 5 spaces

You spend the entire day in front of the TV eating Doritos: Go back 3 spaces

Your cousin says she’s leaving after dinner to catch early Black Friday deals; you refrain from judging her (out loud): Advance 2 spaces

Your Uncle Henry says something racist; you remain silent: Go back 5 spaces

Your brother-in-law makes a sexist joke using a word that rhymes with wussy; you say, “Whoa, man, not cool! Women are goddesses who deserve our respect!”: Advance 5 spaces

Aunt Joan forgot the whipped cream; you offer to run to the store and literally run to the store, returning an hour later: Advance 1 space

A family member says they’re in AA and you say, “Wow, sucks to be you!” as you pour your third glass of wine: Go back 12 spaces, you monster

Whenever someone mentions the election, you burst out singing “To Dream the Impossible Dream” at the top of your lungs: Advance 3 spaces

You find at least five instances to use “post-truth” in conversation, as it is the word of the year: Advance 2 spaces

The turkey is dry and you mention it: Go back 6 spaces, jerk

A rich family friend who lives in a gated community and sends her kids to an all white school is wearing a safety pin; you discretely slip a copy of this article into her purse: Advance 3 spaces

Before leaving, you use your Uncle Henry’s toothpaste to write “Love Trumps Hate! We Shall Overcome!” on his bathroom mirror, then leave enough money to buy a new tube of toothpaste, ’cause that used a ridiculous amount of toothpaste: Advance 4 spaces

Good luck, and may the forces of love be in your corner!

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone! 🦃

Author: CJ Hartwell

After spending most of her life in Phoenix, Arizona, CJ Hartwell moved to the middle of Minnesota. Is she nuts? Probably. For updates on her sanity, click on the link to follow by email.

13 thoughts on “The Thanksgiving Game: 2016 Edition”

    1. Initially I made that one kind, then realized it wasn’t funny so I reworked it. You see what the pursuit of humor does to my soul? It has shriveled into a dark, hollow, crusty thing. Funny as hell, but crusty.
      But hey, glad it made your day! 😊

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeah, I get that. It’s like some sort of weird egg splitting thing happened between our mothers outside their wombs, traveled between multiple states, and waited around a couple years before implanting in uterus, accounting for our slight age difference. You should write a story about it. Or I should. Or you should. Or I should. Or…

      Liked by 1 person

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