The Thanksgiving Game: 2016 Edition

Setting the scene:

Your family is gathering for Thanksgiving dinner. You haven’t seen these people for a whole year, and you were perfectly fine with that. But now you’ll be with them and you’re still feeling raw from events a few weeks ago. Will you survive? This game can show the way!

Objective:

To survive Thanksgiving dinner with some shred of dignity

thanksgiving-game

Your success or failure depends upon the following behaviors:

You arrive early and help Aunt Joan in the kitchen, even though she corrects everything you do: Advance 5 spaces

You spend the entire day in front of the TV eating Doritos: Go back 3 spaces

Your cousin says she’s leaving after dinner to catch early Black Friday deals; you refrain from judging her (out loud): Advance 2 spaces

Your Uncle Henry says something racist; you remain silent: Go back 5 spaces

Your brother-in-law makes a sexist joke using a word that rhymes with wussy; you say, “Whoa, man, not cool! Women are goddesses who deserve our respect!”: Advance 5 spaces

Aunt Joan forgot the whipped cream; you offer to run to the store and literally run to the store, returning an hour later: Advance 1 space

A family member says they’re in AA and you say, “Wow, sucks to be you!” as you pour your third glass of wine: Go back 12 spaces, you monster

Whenever someone mentions the election, you burst out singing “To Dream the Impossible Dream” at the top of your lungs: Advance 3 spaces

You find at least five instances to use “post-truth” in conversation, as it is the word of the year: Advance 2 spaces

The turkey is dry and you mention it: Go back 6 spaces, jerk

A rich family friend who lives in a gated community and sends her kids to an all white school is wearing a safety pin; you discretely slip a copy of this article into her purse: Advance 3 spaces

Before leaving, you use your Uncle Henry’s toothpaste to write “Love Trumps Hate! We Shall Overcome!” on his bathroom mirror, then leave enough money to buy a new tube of toothpaste, ’cause that used a ridiculous amount of toothpaste: Advance 4 spaces

Good luck, and may the forces of love be in your corner!

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone! 🦃

Author: C. J. Hartwell

Christi lives in Phoenix with Husband, Son, Daughter, and Dog. She enjoys moonlit walks on the beach, but as she doesn't live anywhere near a beach, she's usually in bed by 9:30.

13 thoughts on “The Thanksgiving Game: 2016 Edition”

    1. Initially I made that one kind, then realized it wasn’t funny so I reworked it. You see what the pursuit of humor does to my soul? It has shriveled into a dark, hollow, crusty thing. Funny as hell, but crusty.
      But hey, glad it made your day! 😊

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeah, I get that. It’s like some sort of weird egg splitting thing happened between our mothers outside their wombs, traveled between multiple states, and waited around a couple years before implanting in uterus, accounting for our slight age difference. You should write a story about it. Or I should. Or you should. Or I should. Or…

      Liked by 1 person

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