In Which I Question the Motives of a Blogger Who Recently Followed Me and Politely Suggest He Stop Using Super Long Blog Post Titles

writingDear Blogger Who Recently Followed Me,

Please accept my heartiest welcome to our Feeding on Folly neighborhood!

Take a seat anywhere you like… well, not there… that’s where Brian of Bonnywood always sits… no, not that one either, that’s Patricia’s spot. She needs the side table for her tea…

Oh, geez, just take the one next to the sofa, will ya?

Okay, feeling settled in now? Good.

You can’t imagine my surprise last Saturday morning when I learned you were following FoF. Not that it’s unusual having new followers, but normally there’s a process involved. Such as they read a few posts, like one or two of them, then decide to follow.

You, on the hand, first followed, then liked 17 posts in a row! My goodness!

What’s more, you’re obviously a speed reader, as all 17 of those likes were accomplished in only one minute. Most impressive!

But then I went to my stats page and saw this:

stats-for-1-21-17

Now before you take pity on my low stats, let me explain:

  1. This was 5 am on a Saturday.
  2. According to our Market Research, the Feeding on Folly neighborhood is made up of two types of readers: Night Owls and People-Who-Goof-Off-at-Work. Both of these types of readers are asleep at 5 am on a Saturday.
  3. Yes, in my imaginary world, it is 5 am at the exact same time all across the globe. Please don’t burst my bubble.

So let’s look at what these stats are actually saying. Somehow, this one visitor (that’s you) managed with just one view (of my home page), to like 17 posts!

How is this possible?

There’s only one way I know of, and that’s through the WordPress Reader… which only shows small blurbs from posts… like, a few sentences at the most…

Hmm

Once again I look at the email notifying me of your follow. These are the posts of yours it suggests I read:

sincerely-yours

The first one listed – SINCERITY IN OUR ACTIONS – brings to mind my favorite 5-letter word: Irony.

I went ahead and read your post, because I’m sport for anything 5 am on a Saturday, and within the first few sentences I determine English is not your first language. Yet you write all your posts in English.

To that I say: kudos to you!

Truly, I admire anyone who speaks other languages, but to write in another language to boot? Well done!

And while I may quibble that your definition of sincerity may not match my own, I can say I admire your open request for critical comments. Or, as you put it, “I request you to kindly appraise the write ups and critically comment.

Beings how I used to work as an editor, I thought, “Heck, I’ll give it a shot!” But in the end, correcting the post of a non-English speaker left a bad taste in my mouth and, frankly, gave me a headache.

I did, however, find one thing I can suggest.

I quickly surmised that your title “SINCERITY IN OUR ACTIONS” is without a doubt the shortest headline in your repertoire. Most are thus:

screen-shot-2017-01-22-at-4-22-18-pm

Speaking as one who got high marks for her headlines in Journalism school, let me give you a word of advice: Just because it fits in a tweet, does not a headline make.

A better, more pithy, headline might read:

Life Sucks; Get Over It

Another headline of yours:

animal-headline

Could instead be written as:

Puppies Are Cute: Get One

puppy-loveSee my point?

That’s all I wanted to say.

Honestly, I wish you all the best. And if I should bump into you on the WordPress Reader, I’ll be sure to send 17 likes back your way.

Until then, dear follower of mine, I remain,

Very Sincerely Yours,
C.J.

Author: C. J. Hartwell

Christi lives in Phoenix with Husband, Son, Daughter, and Dog. She enjoys moonlit walks on the beach, but as she doesn't live anywhere near a beach, she's usually in bed by 9:30.

28 thoughts on “In Which I Question the Motives of a Blogger Who Recently Followed Me and Politely Suggest He Stop Using Super Long Blog Post Titles”

  1. There are many such “bloggers” (and I use that term loosely)- makes for an amusing moment or two when I hop off to look at their sites.
    Love the way you wrote this one, such polite snarkiness. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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