This last Sunday at church, a woman handed me a magazine to give Husband, who is currently out-of-town.

It was one of those freebie publications you might see at a doctor’s office or hair salon, with a ridiculous number of ads and one or two articles on local interests.

The reason she was giving it to Husband is that he sings in the same group as the couple on the cover, so she figured he knew them. (He very well may, but beings how he’s out-of-town, I can’t say for sure.)

What I can say is that somewhere in the 85086 zip code, there is a woman who may or may not be in dire need of medical attention. Also, whoever Mama G is, her pancakes look damn fine.

First up, the woman who may or may not need medical attention.

If you look at the cover closely, you’ll see this article:

Naturally I turned to the article because, come on! Who doesn’t want a perfect pout? I mean, if a situation should arise and you have no choice but to pout over it, you better do it right! Right?

So I flip through 55 pages of ads until I see this:

You see the woman on the right?

Once I had an allergic reaction to antibiotics and as a result, I looked JUST LIKE HER! I wound up in the hospital with two IV lines dripping Benadryl into me. I could have DIED!

I’m tellin’ ya, this woman needs our help!

I called the number for Premier Wellness Center & Aglow Med Spa (the ad attached to the “article”). But alas, it was Sunday and they were closed.

Oh well. It’s probably too late anyway. Poor thing.

Elsewhere in the ‘zine, the easy Sudoku was, in fact, so easy I did the entire thing in my head before I found a pen. There was also a crossword puzzle where the most difficult clue was “Guitarist _ _ _ _ Clapton.” (If you struggle answering it, I fear your Feeding on Folly privileges must be temporarily revoked. Please listen to Layla a minimum of five times before seeking reinstatement.)

Moving on, we find a recipe. Well, of course we do! Every reputable magazine must have a recipe. Apparently, so must a cheesy ad-based one. For this ‘zine, Mama G gives us her recipe for pancakes.

The article states,

Pancakes are an outstanding comfort food that will make you swoon. They make breakfast exciting and weekends a little more special. Pancakes are simple, but one wonderful bite immediately reminds us we can have a taste of heaven on earth.

Wow. Heaven on earth, you say? From pancakes?

Can’t say anyone ever had a religious experience from eating my baked goods.

Admittedly, these do look good.

I read the list of ingredients:

Two cups of sour cream and four eggs, to one cup of flour? Lordy!
Maybe these pancakes are indeed heaven on earth, but if I were to eat them, I fear I’d be sick in bed, praying the good Lord puts me out of my misery.

But I don’t want that to stop you from reaching Nirvana. So here are the rest of the instructions:

• Mix together the first three ingredients
• In another bowl, mix together the sour cream through egg yolks
• In another bowl (that’s three bowls now), beat egg whites until peaks form
• Fold sour cream mixture into flour mixture gently – gently!
• Next, fold egg whites into batter. Don’t overmix, or Mama G will come after you
• Cook in a preheated large cast-iron pan. Mama G is very particular about this, and for good reason. Any other pan will give you inferior results. Use a non-cast-iron pan and Mama G and I will come after you.
• Look for bubbles on top to determine when to flip over. Cook until golden brown.
• Dust pancakes immediately with powdered sugar, per Mama G. I prefer fresh berries and real maple syrup. I once knew a guy who put peanut butter and syrup on his pancakes, but he was an odd bird. You do what you want.

Let me know how it works out for you, okay? And please, never take allergic reactions lightly.