Seeking Delilah: Samson Tries Online Dating

This is Samson.


Samson is strong. Samson is very strong.

But Samson is lonely.

Poor Samson.

Samson opens an account on OkCupid.

This is what Samson’s profile says:

Hi! I'm Samson and I am a spiritual warrior and judge. I never drink, shave or cut my hair. Also, I can kill a lion with my bare hands. 
Seeking: A woman who understands me. 
Religious preference: Parents are hoping for a nice Jewish girl, but I'm open.


Samson is watching TV. Samson’s favorite channel is ESPN.

Samson is a Giants fan.

Poor Samson.

Samson checks his phone. Someone liked his profile pic!

Her name is Esther.

Samson looks at Esther’s profile pic:

Screen Shot 2017-07-06 at 2.40.28 PM.png

Samson does not click Like.

Samson is a jerk.

Samson watches TV. The Giants are losing. Samson yells at TV.

Samson checks his phone. Samson has another Like!

Her name is Ruth.

Samson looks at Ruth:


Samson does not click Like.

We do not blame Samson.

Samson goes to kitchen.

Samson grabs a cold one. Samson drinks it. Samson grabs another cold one.

Samson belches.

Samson checks his phone. Samson has another like!

Her name is Delilah.

Samson looks at Delilah:


Samson clicks Like 17 times.

Samson sends Delilah a message.

This is Samson’s message:

S: Hi! I think you're nice. I like your arm thingy. Do you want to go out?

Delilah sends Samson a reply.

This is Delilah’s reply:

D: Gosh, I'm not sure. I need to know you better. Tell me something about yourself.

Samson opens a chat.

A chat is an online conversation.

This is their chat:

S: You want to know something about me? Here's something: I have the jawbone of an ass. Haha.

D: Okay. That's... weird.

S: I killed 1,000 Philistines with it. Say, you're not a Phillies fan, are you?

D: What? Oh. Silly. I know! If you tell me a secret, I'll go out with you.

S: Okay. I once ate honey out of a dead lion.

D: You're back to weird. Tell me the secret of your strength.

S: I'm not supposed to say. Okay, you talked me into it. If you tie me up with rope, I have no strength. So don't tie me up.

D: That's too bad because I'm totally into that.

S: Kidding! Just kidding! Actually, it's my hair. If you tie up my hair, I'm like super weak.

D: Really?

S: Kidding! Haha!

D: You should meet my cousin Ruth. You'd like her.

S: Okay, for real. If you cut my hair, I lose my strength. That's it. Scout's honor.

D: Really? That's sounds like another joke.

S: I know, but that's it. Swear to You-Know-Who. Don't tell anyone I told you, k?

D: Okay, I'll go out with you.

S: Cool!

Samson is happy.

Samson and Delilah go out to eat.

Samson and Delilah go to her place.

Samson and Delilah have fun.

This is Samson after their date:


Samson wishes he kept his secret.

Poor Samson.

31 thoughts on “Seeking Delilah: Samson Tries Online Dating

  1. Even if they hadjawed it out longer, it would’ve gone the same way. He should’ve gone with Esther. Then again, Haman would’ve had a different end as well as a lot of Jews in Persia 😀 Delightful post, Christi!

  2. Bravo! This was definitely worth the wait, not that I doubted it for a second. Fave bit, of course, is the reveal (there was actual guffawing and startled-cat running), but a close second is “I like your arm thingy.” Killed me….

  3. Everyone thinks Samson lost his strength when Delilah came around – it’s just a translation error: he only went weak in the knees when she fondled his hair. She then had him wrapped around her finger. I still can’t figure out why people think his story is unusual…

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