Meditation for the Easily Distracted

Welcome to Meditation for the Easily Distracted. Before we begin, let’s take a moment to… hold on a second, that’s my phone…

Sorry about that. Okay, let’s silence our electronic devices and take a moment to situate ourselves in our chair or on the floor. Whatever is most comfortable for you.

Meditation 1 (2)

You can cross your legs if you want to, but considering your knees maybe not.

Getting old really bites, doesn’t it?

To begin, let’s take a deep breath… inhale… and let it out through the mouth – fwoosh… another breath in… and fwoosh

Try not to think about what you’ll have for dinner… or how you need to go to the grocery store… or about that weird spot on your arm… (should probably get that checked out)…

Another breath in… and fwoosh

Or the sound your clock is making… ticking… ticking… ticking… okay, seriously? We can put a man on the moon but we can’t make a quiet clock?

Another breath in… and fwoosh

Let’s quiet our thoughts… unlike the damn clock… and let’s imagine our thoughts as little bubbles… don’t judge them, they’re just little bubbles…

Another breath in… and fwoosh

Watch the bubbles as they float over your head… one by one floating up and down, and… oh, stop looking for the bubbles. There are no actual bubbles…

Breathe in… and fwoosh

I once knew a woman who collected clocks… bet she had over a hundred of them on her wall, ceiling to floor… ding-donging and cuckoo-ing every hour…

Another breath in… and fwoosh

Imagine your thought bubbles rising up and down, sometimes stopping — there’s the one about your dinner plans… really need to see someone about the spot on your arm…

Breathe in… and fwoosh

You know, that clock lady would make a great character for a story… hold on while I write it down… where’s my damned notebook?

Breathe in… and fwoosh

Pork chops would be nice for dinner… maybe pick up some crescent rolls… better get some milk while you’re at it…

Breathe in… and fwoosh

You know what amazed me about the clock lady? All her clocks chimed at the exact same time, down to the last second…

Breathe in… and fwoosh

How long do you suppose it took her to get them set like that?… Daylight savings must have been a bitch…

Breathe in… and fwoosh…

Aw, screw it. I need to go to the store. This has been Meditation for the Easily Distracted. Until next time– Namaste.

And please, get that spot checked out. I worry about you.

57 thoughts on “Meditation for the Easily Distracted

  1. This sounds about like me, I’d think too much of all I have to do while sitting here doing nothing which is the point of it all… what a dilemma… jc

    1. Aw, thanks for mentioning that! I probably sweat over the drawings more than the writing, it doesn’t come easy for me. Especially those hands! (And yeah, it was supposed to be me)

  2. I think it is safe to say I will never be able to meditate!
    I have a clock wall, by the way. It is impossible to make them all say the same time! Once a year we reset them, change batteries if necessary. Then they are on their own for another year. When we want to tell the time, we check our computer…

  3. I really have considered pursuing the arts of meditation and yoga, but every time I get THISCLOSE I run into someone wearing yoga pants in a setting that they shouldn’t or someone using “Namaste” in the wrong way, and I lose the path… 😉

    1. See, the problem is they make those yoga pants too damn comfortable, so I forgive the poor damsels who wear them 24/7. But anyone saying Namaste in a situation not involving incense and/or an uncomfortable yoga pose, when you’re not a member of an Eastern religion? That’s just wrong.

  4. CJ
    This was really funny. But it is not so funny when this happens ( regularly) during morning or evening prayers and personal devotion time. And don’t talk about church.

    1. Oh I definitely get that! Trying to keep my mind from wandering while praying is an eternal struggle, though I suppose the effort to pull it back each time is a good exercise. And thankfully the One listening is very understanding. 🙂

        1. Oh, that makes sense! It occurs to me I once saw a hypnotist in action, but it was meant to be entertainment. Only so much of what they did was just mean, i.e. making people do foolish things, I didn’t find it very entertaining.

  5. Meditation. Yep, that’s pretty much the way it goes. (Or did, when I tried it). Even with a mantra to bulldoze those errant thoughts, they keep popping up, sneering at the bulldozer for thinking it belonged.

  6. Story of my life, haha! For me it’s been getting a lot better the more I stick to it, though. I do my best to get rid of all potential distractions before I start, but it’s amazing how the tiniest, most insignificant things become way more interesting than trying to stay conscious of breathing.

    1. Yeah, it’s the insignificant things that always foul me up. Though I can definitely see the value in becoming aware of those silly thoughts, however frustrating they might be. Thanks for commenting!

  7. This is not only entertaining but what delight to see so many of us relate so well. Personally I stopped promising myself I’d go do what I couldn’t get past and come back to complete my mediation time for the day. Breathing in, fwoosh…

  8. Reblogged this on Mitch Teemley and commented:
    This week’s Featured Blogger is my efriend (strictly facetious–I really do think of her as a friend), C. J. Hartwell of Feeding on Folly. C. J. is one of the funniest bloggers out there doing that thing where you, you know–what’s it called? You know, that thing where you… Oh, yeah (I temporarily forgot, but now I remember): Being Funny While Blogging. You know, that thing.

    And, boy howdy, is she good at it! If we hung out together we’d probably laugh a lot and almost never get any work done. Which means things would be pretty much the same for me. But C. J. has work to do, so we’d better not.

    Instructions: 1) Read this post, 2) Follow Feeding on Folly (note pleasing use of alliteration). If you don’t, you can’t be my efriend anymore. Just kidding (did I mention I was mostly facetious when I used that term?). But seriously, you’ve got work to do.

    Now get to it!

    1. Holy cow, you sure know how to make a girl blush!
      I woke up to find a whole lotta emails alerting me to new follows and thought, what the heck? They’re not even Outlook users, what’s going on?! Never imagining it was my good friend Mitch, saying nice things about me.
      Thanks ever so much! Seriously, I think I’ll have this big goofy grin on my face all day. 🤗

  9. You are absolutely right…the knees won’t do it…
    the clock is quiet though, battery is dead…the only time
    I remember that is when I’m trying to meditate. I made
    a mental note to write it down as soon as I’m done, but
    I lost the note.

    Thanks for the giggles…they are as relaxing as meditation,
    and twice as much fun!

    1. Good point! Laughter helps take the edge off, that’s for sure.
      And I should probably take the battery out of the clock, but it’s a cool looking clock. (How come quiet electric clocks are never cool-looking?) 😉

  10. This is hilarious and spot on! (Speaking of spots on arms, I had one biopsied this summer and Centering Prayer helped me not freak out!)

    1. Okay, first up, really really hope that spot was taken care of. Secondly, thanks ever so much for commenting. Thirdly, I was just reading about Centering Prayer, no kidding! I’d never heard of it before, as apparently I’ve been living under a rock.

      1. It was really scary! It turned out to be pre-cancer, but I’m OK other than a biopsy scar on my arm.

        Centering Prayer has been the only form of meditation that works for me, and by “works” I mean have the same type of thoughts you posted for a while but it’s followed by periods of having a quiet mind. I also need to add a caveat for “periods” being like a few minutes but for me that’s a huge accomplishment. When I do Centering Prayer it it’s for twenty minutes. I’ve been amazed at how having those moments of quiet impact my life in a meaningful way!

        1. My husband had a pre-cancer spot on his nose, fortunately it was taken care of with a cream. You’re right, it’s scary! Glad you’re okay.

          The site I was at on Centering Prayer mentioned the same things you described, benefit-wise, and they recommended 20-minute sessions too. It sounds fascinating, I’m definitely considering it.

          1. Thank you! I had never heard of a cream taking care of it, that’s great!

            With Centering Prayer it helps to do it with a group. At home alone is a challenge for me. I need the silent peer-pressure to keep me going. ha

            1. That makes sense. Actually how I first heard about it is at work, as there’s a group doing it.
              Oh, and the cream actually sloughs off your skin and for about five or six weeks you look kinda scary. But I guess not as scary as cancer. 😉

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