Welcome to Meditation for the Easily Distracted. Before we begin, let’s take a moment to… hold on a second, that’s my phone…
Sorry about that. Okay, let’s silent our electronic devices now and take a moment to situate ourselves in our chair or on the floor. Whatever is most comfortable for you.
You can cross your legs if you want to, but considering your knees maybe not.
Getting old really bites, doesn’t it?
To begin, let’s take a deep breath… inhale… and let it out through the mouth – fwoosh… another breath in… and fwoosh…
Try not to think about what you’ll have for dinner… or how you need to go to the grocery store… or about that weird spot on your arm… (should probably get that checked out)…
Another breath in… and fwoosh…
Or the sound your clock is making… ticking… ticking… ticking… okay, seriously? We can put a man on the moon but we can’t make a quiet clock?
Another breath in… and fwoosh…
Let’s quiet our thoughts… unlike the damn clock… and let’s imagine our thoughts as little bubbles… don’t judge them, they’re just little bubbles…
Another breath in… and fwoosh…
Watch the bubbles as they float over your head… one by one floating up and down, and… oh, stop looking for the bubbles. There are no actual bubbles…
Breathe in… and fwoosh…
I once knew a woman who collected clocks… bet she had over a hundred of them on her wall, ceiling to floor… ding-donging and cuckoo-ing every hour…
Another breath in… and fwoosh…
Imagine your thought bubbles rising up and down, sometimes stopping — there’s the one about your dinner plans… really need to see someone about the spot on your arm…
Breathe in… and fwoosh…
You know, that clock lady would make a great character for a story… hold on while I write it down… where’s my damned notebook?
Breathe in… and fwoosh…
Pork chops would be nice for dinner… maybe pick up some crescent rolls… better get some milk while you’re at it…
Breathe in… and fwoosh…
You know what amazed me about the clock lady? All her clocks chimed at the exact same time, down to the last second…
Breathe in… and fwoosh…
How long do you suppose it took her to get them set like that?… Daylight savings must have been a bitch…
Breathe in… and fwoosh…
Aw, screw it. I need to go to the store. This has been Meditation for the Easily Distracted. Until next time– Namaste.
And please, get that spot checked out. I worry about you.
This sounds about like me, I’d think too much of all I have to do while sitting here doing nothing which is the point of it all… what a dilemma… jc
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So hard to stay mindful when your mind is full of it, eh?
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This is so relatable! Like the hand drawn picture of you (or whoever she is) winking too. Thanks for the chuckle!
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Aw, thanks for mentioning that! I probably sweat over the drawings more than the writing, it doesn’t come easy for me. Especially those hands! (And yeah, it was supposed to be me)
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I bought a clock once and you’re right that spot does look funny. Sorry, what were we talking about?
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We were talking about… sorry, did you say something?
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Was I speaking out loud? 😉
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😛
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I think it is safe to say I will never be able to meditate!
I have a clock wall, by the way. It is impossible to make them all say the same time! Once a year we reset them, change batteries if necessary. Then they are on their own for another year. When we want to tell the time, we check our computer…
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No kidding? Wow, I’ve never met another person with a clock wall! Have you ever done a post about it? If not, you should.
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Yes, I did a post a few years ago. I’ve added a few clocks since then, though!
https://gogreygirl.wordpress.com/2016/02/10/time-so-late-so-soon/
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Thanks for the link, off for a visit!
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What? What were we talking about? 😉
Great post. 🙂
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Haha, thanks! It’s one I found languishing in my draft folder with a title and not much else.
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I really have considered pursuing the arts of meditation and yoga, but every time I get THISCLOSE I run into someone wearing yoga pants in a setting that they shouldn’t or someone using “Namaste” in the wrong way, and I lose the path… 😉
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See, the problem is they make those yoga pants too damn comfortable, so I forgive the poor damsels who wear them 24/7. But anyone saying Namaste in a situation not involving incense and/or an uncomfortable yoga pose, when you’re not a member of an Eastern religion? That’s just wrong.
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CJ
This was really funny. But it is not so funny when this happens ( regularly) during morning or evening prayers and personal devotion time. And don’t talk about church.
Susie
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Oh I definitely get that! Trying to keep my mind from wandering while praying is an eternal struggle, though I suppose the effort to pull it back each time is a good exercise. And thankfully the One listening is very understanding. 🙂
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This is exactly why I do not try to meditate 🙂 I can’t let myself relax enough to get hypnotised either – to much brain quesioning happening! 🙂
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I’ve never been around someone getting hypnotized and it’s always sounded a bit fishy to me. Definitely not something I’d want to do. 🙂
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It was for grief/stress relaxation – but guess who couldn’t relax enough to get it started 🙂
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Oh, that makes sense! It occurs to me I once saw a hypnotist in action, but it was meant to be entertainment. Only so much of what they did was just mean, i.e. making people do foolish things, I didn’t find it very entertaining.
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They do say that they can’t make you do what you don’t want to do – not sure about that, maybe it was just all make believe – or the folks wanted to be silly!
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This is hilarious. What a brilliant fun read. And alas too true 😊
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Ah, thanks so much! Lousy Meditators, Unite!
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Meditation. Yep, that’s pretty much the way it goes. (Or did, when I tried it). Even with a mantra to bulldoze those errant thoughts, they keep popping up, sneering at the bulldozer for thinking it belonged.
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They are impish little devils. Just when you get all zen, bang, they got you thinking about needing an oil change. It’s just not right.
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Wow! You’re as great at meditation as I am! Ha!
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It sounds like there’s a whole host of us, maybe we should start a club? “The Lame Meditation Circle” perhaps?
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I am trying not to think how funny this was.
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Clever, very clever! Thanks 🙂
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Story of my life, haha! For me it’s been getting a lot better the more I stick to it, though. I do my best to get rid of all potential distractions before I start, but it’s amazing how the tiniest, most insignificant things become way more interesting than trying to stay conscious of breathing.
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Yeah, it’s the insignificant things that always foul me up. Though I can definitely see the value in becoming aware of those silly thoughts, however frustrating they might be. Thanks for commenting!
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This is not only entertaining but what delight to see so many of us relate so well. Personally I stopped promising myself I’d go do what I couldn’t get past and come back to complete my mediation time for the day. Breathing in, fwoosh…
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enjoyed your approach to the “mind stuff”
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Thanks!
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LOL!
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😉
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