Testing the adage: did my absence make your heart grow fonder?

The problem with being absent from a blog for nearly six months is that your return becomes ever more difficult. 

You feel… 

a) You should explain the absence,
b) You’ve no explanation to offer because you just stared into space the whole time,
c) You loathe to admit you stared into space the whole time.

Though “stared into space” might be the wrong way to put it. Right about the time I vacated this space, I returned to the office full-time after a year of working from home, due to that crazy, world-wide pandemic thing we have going on.

So perhaps it’s understandable that suddenly having to be dressed and presentable, actually encountering other living, breathing human beings on a regular basis, took some getting used to.

Leading me to sit, staring into space. 

And while I claimed in my last post I was leaving to pursue other creative endeavors, I neglected to mention those endeavors were all work-related. By the time I got home from said work, other than trying a few new recipes and sewing one skirt – one skirt! – my creative output was at an all-time low.

I know there was a time I worked full-time, yet somehow managed to keep a blog going. The proof is right here on my archives page. Loads of posts, some not half bad, but how I found the time to write them – in some cases draw them – I can’t say. 

Whether my feelings are a late case of pandemic stress, pandemic blues, Covid-fatigue… who’s to say? Probably someone who makes much more an hour than I do, so we’ll let the matter pass. However the pandemic has caused most of us to evaluate how we were spending our time pre-2020. Many of us were left to wonder, did we really want to return to our usual mode of living?

In truth, my relationship to this blog had stalled. I simply wasn’t enjoying it as much as I once did. I know the amount of time it involved was a big one, but also just the amount of headspace I gave it, trying to come up with ideas or wondering if anyone would understand what I wrote.

In any case, the long absence was much needed if only to help me reestablish what I wanted Feeding on Folly to be. And although this time was terribly frustrating, causing me to wonder if I would ever write again, I tried to be patient with myself.

It brought to mind a poem one of the Franciscan Sisters shared with me last year. Here’s an excerpt…

O God,

you must know how hard it is

to be in this between

where nothing is certain,

everything’s in flux,

this relentless churning

from something I can’t quite grasp

to something I can’t quite see,

and it’s all up for grabs,

and – please, God –

for grace.

Later in the poem, 

Keen my awareness

that uncertainty is my dance with you,

crises, seraphim in disguise…

From “Seraphim in Disguise” by Ted Loder,
Wrestling the Light: Ache and Awe in the Human-Divine Struggle
(Biblio, Open Library)

I love his title — Seraphim in disguise. A lesson, perhaps, not to avoid the struggle but to lean into it. My next course of action would present itself in time. I needed to trust the process.

Coupled with that, however, is a lesson from our good friend Kierkegaard: 

“What matters is not the choice you make, 
but that you get off your duff and make a damn choice already.”   
(my paraphrase)

Clearly, a system reboot was needed. 

I decided to follow a morning routine I devised during a far more productive time in my life: wake early, cold shower, centering prayer, yoga, a cup of tea and commence writing. 

As I wrote, the answer to my muddled thinking presented itself. I knew what I wanted this blog to be.

I want it to be the kind of blog I enjoy reading. The kind that teaches me something, gives me something to think about or smile over (ideally, both), and maybe gives me a few reading recommendations as well.

So that’s our game plan for the future. I might not be posting as often but when I do, for those so gracious as to visit Feeding on Folly, I want it to be worthy of your time.

Below are a few things I hope you’ll like: items I’m currently enjoying, things that made me smile, plus a few past features readers seemed to appreciate. This is a work in progress, so I hope you’ll stick around to see what comes of it.

In the meantime, thanks for visiting today. I hope you found it time well spent.

Be well, my friends.

Bad Theology Spotlight

photo of knife with bible verse
I’ll save you the time: the verse it cites is The Lord’s Prayer. My question: If Marshall McLuhan was right, ‘The medium is the message’, then what has the stronger impact here? The prayer the verse refers to, or the knife on which it is written?

Currently Reading

Story of a Soul by St. Therese of Lisieux (New, Used, Open Library)

Poison for Breakfast by Lemony Snicket, aka Daniel Handler (Bookshop, Indie)

 

Spotted in a shop window… 

crowBe the crow you want to see in the world.

Collect shiny objects.

Hop happily down the street for no apparent reason.

Scream loudly when you see your friends.

 

Bad Joke Monday

comic of two crows on fence

39 thoughts on “Testing the adage: did my absence make your heart grow fonder?”

  2. Welcome back. You were missed. Also glad to hear from my old friend Søren. By the way, what IS the Danish word for “duff”?

  4. Good to hear from you again and looking forward to whatever you plan (or don’t plan) to do. Sometimes it’s in the silence that we hear the most.

    and I’ve found your blog posts to be only 1/8 bad and 7/8 good … 😉

  6. As Jesus said, “All who live by the pocket knife, shall die by the pocket knife.” Or something like that.
    Good to see that during the interim you haven’t lost your wit, or wisdom, Christi.

  9. Welcome back! There have been a lot of bloggers who are, I think, experiencing some amount of pandemic fatigue. Perhaps the constant fear mongering has ground us down.

  12. My heart has definitely grown fonder by your absence, Christi. Your honest, humorous, and rambly writings and drawings always bring a smile to my face. I can totally relate to your need for a blog break, though. If it was easy to come up with creative, witty and well-written content every week, then everyone would be doing it. Fun fact: Did you know that a group of crows is called a murder? Isn’t that weird?

  13. Oh my gosh! Welcome back. I thought maybe you had disappeared from the blogosphere forever! I totally get where you are coming from; I took a break for a couple of months and am now back, though not posting as frequently. The pace of life has picked up in the last couple of months, so the time I have for blogging is not what it once was. I’m so glad you’re back though!

    1. I was beginning to think my disappearance would be forever too! I even began to wonder, where do abandoned blogs go when there’s no one around to feed them? 😉

          1. I love this season too! Luckily we have one in Colorado. I’m doing well, busy with work and wishing I had more time for writing. Same old, same old I guess 🙂

  16. So much is happening in my life that I don’t want to bore y’all with too many details. But the highlights – I now have my daughter, son-in-law and 2 of my grandkids living near me. My orchestra is preparing for it’s first concert/s since April of 2020. And my horn choir is also getting back together. So I am back in full rehearsal mode albeit with a player’s mask and bell cover for my French Horn. Plus my jewelry biz is limping along. And now being officially old enough for Medicare, I find myself longing for the energy levels I had pre-Covid-19 days.

    Plus Mondays just aren’t the same without BJM – so thanks for the blast from the past. Did I say how much I missed you?

    1. Hey, thanks so much for the update — your life sounds pretty hectic so I appreciate that you swung by for a visit!
      I know what you mean about those pre-Covid days. Did we really do all that stuff or was it just a dream we had?

  18. I’ve missed you, my friend. Your humor, your wit, your wisdom. Truth doesn’t always have to be a harsh edge–the knife can be off-putting. But I’m enjoying your reboot. You’re a woman of genuineness and authenticity–it really is a pleasure reading your thoughts.

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