She’s Come Undone: Crisis Looms in Women’s Office Wear

I’ve been on a mission to clean out my closet and change up the old wardrobe. My goal is to eliminate morning angst.

I want to be able to pop into the closet, grab a shirt, pants & blazer — and by that I mean any shirt, pants & blazer – and boom, I’m out of there. Classy, chic, and completely office appropriate.

My mission is nearly complete.

But in pursuit of my dream, I have stumbled upon a most alarming situation. Something I believe will undermine women’s role in society if we don’t take action immediately.

What it is, you ask, that has me in such a dither?

It happened while I was doing the whole Google thing. My search terms being ‘classy’, ‘chic’, and ‘office appropriate’. I couldn’t help noticing that some women – and by some women, I mean nearly every woman wearing a button up shirt – seemed to have extraordinary difficulty buttoning up

These are just a few of the poor dears I came across:

 

What bothers me the most (and if you’re a woman, it should concern you as well), is that no one pointed it out to them!

I mean, come on! This woman missed TWO buttons!

Pink shirt

If a man has his fly undone, doesn’t someone take him aside? Whisper in his ear? Give him a quick heads up?

Of course they do!

But these poor women had no one. NO ONE!

White shirt
Alas, I fear this gal was unable to button up. She clearly needs the next size up.

 

And just look at this next woman! She missed a good three or four buttons, and even forgot a bra!

striped suit low cut

Aw hell, she’s even in her pajamas!

Couldn’t anyone tap her on the shoulder and whisper, “Uh, dear, you might want to freshen up a bit before you walk into that meeting.”

Really? ANYONE?!

And lest you think it stops here, oh no my friends. It gets worse. It gets much worse.

There are women who didn’t just forget buttons, they forgot to wear shirts!!!

 

 

I am deeply concerned, my friends. Deeply concerned!

Were a man to walk into a meeting dressed as thus, he would likely get laughed out of the boardroom. Or else have dollar bills stuffed in his pants.

Honestly, how can we hope to be taken seriously in the workplace if we can’t even manage a button or two? From whence shall our help come?

Therefore, I call upon my fellow sisters to make a pledge to one another: If we see each other unbuttoned, unzipped or unsnapped, where we definitely need to be buttoned, zipped, and/or snapped, we will discretely let each other know.

And please, oh please, I beg of you: should I ever forget to wear a shirt, please let me know!!!

Seeking Delilah: Samson Tries Online Dating

Will Samson find a match on OkCupid?

Will Samson find love?

Let’s find out!

This is Samson.

Samson

Samson is strong. Samson is very strong.

But Samson is lonely.

Poor Samson.

Samson opens an account on OkCupid.

This is what Samson’s profile says:

Hi! I'm Samson and I am a spiritual warrior and judge. I never drink, shave or cut my hair. Also, I can kill a lion with my bare hands. 
Seeking: A woman who understands me. 
Religious preference: Parents are hoping for a nice Jewish girl, but I'm open.

 


Continue reading “Seeking Delilah: Samson Tries Online Dating”

My Idea Journal: the Foolish and Forgotten

Do you keep an idea journal?

JournalsI have two. One is a pretty little journal someone gave me several years ago. Unfortunately, I misplace it constantly. So I’ve taken to using the notes section in my daily planner.

(Yes, I use an old-fashioned printed planner. Don’t judge.)

My problem with idea journals is that I rarely remember what I had in mind when I first wrote the ideas down. Which is what happened when I reviewed my entries recently, hoping for inspiration.

Instead, I’m offering my ideas to you. Maybe you can work them into something.

You’re welcome. Continue reading “My Idea Journal: the Foolish and Forgotten”

Polly’s Party Game: The Feeding on Folly Edition

How do I get into these things?

Somehow, through no fault of my own, I wind up participating in some sort of friendly, “getting to know you” kind of game. And this is bad because I really stink at them.

It goes waaay back. Like in high school, when a friend would start with:

“Okay, so you’re on a desert island and you can only have two things–”
“Why two things? Who’s keeping me from having more things?”
“No one. It’s just you only have two things.”
“That’s dumb. Who goes to a desert island with only two things?”
“That’s all you have after your ship sank.”
“Wait, I was on a ship? Why did it sink? Are we at war?”
“Gah! Never mind!”
“WAS ANYONE ELSE ON THE SHIP? DID EVERYONE DIE?!”

Suffice it to say, I avoid those sorts of things. But the other day, Rhonda over at Pollyanna’s Path wrote of her Party Game, and me being the observant reader that I am, asked if she expected others to play.

And what with one thing leading to another… well… here’s me playing Polly’s Party Game. (Man. I really stepped into this one.) Continue reading “Polly’s Party Game: The Feeding on Folly Edition”

What Sort of Old Lady Will I Be?

There are few guarantees in this world, but one thing we can be sure of: as long as we keep living, we’ll keep getting older. Which means one day I’ll be an old lady.

So I’ve been wondering. What sort of old lady will I be?

As it so happens, I’ve known several old ladies in my lifetime. And for the most part, I’ve had some great role models.

Oh sure, there are always a few cranks in the bunch. (My first blog post listed the worst traits of Old Ladyism.) But in general, and in all sincerity, I’d say the women I’ve met have been real gems.

There are three in particular I wish to emulate. Here, in brief, are their stories. Remember, these are real people. Only their names have been changed Continue reading “What Sort of Old Lady Will I Be?”

Gmail Spy Thwarted!

Breaking news y’all!

As an update to my previous post on Gmail’s Covert Spy, Google recently announced they will no longer be reading your emails in order to send you targeted ads. Read their blog post here.

An excerpt:

Consumer Gmail content will not be used or scanned for any ads personalization after this change. This decision brings Gmail ads in line with how we personalize ads for other Google products. Ads shown are based on users’ settings. Users can change those settings at any time, including disabling ads personalization. G Suite will continue to be ad free.

In other words, while they won’t be targeting their ads by your emails, they will still use your search history, YouTube browsing, basically any Chrome activity you do while signed into your account. You are able to change that if you so desire, though they don’t make it simple.

Fortunately, one of my favorite things to do at work is make how-to-guides no one wants. And since I’m on summer break, I’ll make one for you.

Here’s how to keep Google’s Spy from personalizing your ads:  Continue reading “Gmail Spy Thwarted!”

Gmail is Watching You

I’ve known for a long time they were monitoring my emails.

It started a few years back when my sister and I were exchanging updates on our ongoing projects. She sent me a picture of a blanket she knitted for her grandson.

Fingers typing on keyboardThere, on the side of the screen next to her note, was an ad for a yarn company.

I dismissed it, thinking it was coincidence. After all, when I signed up for Gmail, it’s possible I filled out an interest survey. I didn’t remember filling out a survey, but hey. It’s possible. No need to get paranoid over it.

Then my sister emailed with the idea of visiting a local winery together. Next to her note were two ads for wine. One of them was for the winery. Continue reading “Gmail is Watching You”

Too Fearful for a Disney Cruise?

She was there to inventory our printers. Or as IT likes to call them, our “copy/print/scan devices.”

She wore a royal blue polo shirt and khaki pants, no doubt going for that classic geek look. But her red lipstick and fussy hairstyle betrayed her. And not that this is in any way related, but her hair was platinum blond.

One day, I shall have the nerve to dye my hair platinum blond.

slava-bowman-161206A coworker knew her and asked about her summer plans.

“Will you be traveling again?” she asked. “I saw your pictures on Facebook last year. You took a cruise, right?”

“Traveling is overrated,” Platinum Printer Gal said. “All that fuss and bother, it’s just not worth it. And with the news lately… you’d have to be out of your mind to travel out of the country. I mean, everyday it’s something, you know? Continue reading “Too Fearful for a Disney Cruise?”