Little confession to make here: I have spent a good portion of my life – nay, let’s make that the majority of my life – as a perfectionist.
You know. One of those kinds of people.
But speaking on behalf of those kinds of people, I want you to know we really don’t mean to be assholes. It’s just that, you know … we want things to be perfect. And, um … the way you’re doing it? Whatever it is you happen to be doing at any given moment? We can easily think of three or four ways it could be done better. And we’d like you to know it.
Frankly, I would have happily remained a perfectionist if not for the fact I once worked for a proud, self-proclaimed perfectionist. I mean, OMG, was she an asshole! And then one day she said, “You’re just like me!”
Which really, really, pissed me off, you know? Especially when I realized it was true.
Since then I have been on a mission to overcome this deep character flaw of mine, and I think I have finally succeeded. Really, I think I have!
Here, let me show you the evidence: Continue reading “On Track for Self Improvement, or Derailed? You Decide.”
We all need certain people in our lives, right? Good friends, people we can be ourselves with, people we can have deep conversations with — people like that there.
I need an additional person: someone who will wander aimlessly in a parking lot with me looking for a lost car and not wig out. Fortunately, I have Daughter.
It is a sad fact that losing a car in a parking lot is not difficult for me. Typically my mind is on far more important matters than something as trivial as where I parked my car. Such as something I heard on the radio two weeks ago, an idea I have for an award winning play, or the classmate of mine from the sixth grade who had the most unusual body odor and seriously, what would cause a person to smell like the elephant pen at the zoo?
Geez, he was weird. What are the chances he had a pet elephant?
Where was I? Oh, yeah, the lost car. So anyway, done with our shopping, Daughter and I walk out from the shopping center — I better give you a picture because this is not an ordinary shopping mall. This is Desert Ridge Marketplace in Phoenix, which has a big, sprawling, open plan. Shops and restaurants are everywhere and the parking lot was designed by an insane person. (I think this has been proven. I’m sure it has.)
We stare out over the sea of vehicles, I turn to her and ask, “Do you remember where we parked?” She turns to me, smiles, and says, “No idea. You?” Continue reading “Parking Lots, Lost Cars, and You”
As I was out and about this last weekend
enjoying enduring the holiday shopping madness, I couldn’t help but notice the variety of winter sleepwear available to women.
The reason I couldn’t help noticing is that Husband has an uncanny knack for parking by entrances leading straight into lingerie departments. It’s like some sort of weird psychic ability of his to know precisely where each store locates their underwear. I guess you could say it’s his superpower.
An amazing, yet completely unhelpful, superpower.
Anyway, I noticed that each article of sleepwear — regardless of its color or size — gave a very clear message. Or at least I thought the message was clear.
Don’t believe me? Here … let me show you: Continue reading “A Guide to Women’s Sleepwear, Winter Edition”
So I’m walking into Target behind a couple of women and I see that one of them has two tattoos, one on each thigh. Being the kind of person who loves to see what people have permanently etched onto their skin, I picked up my pace to see exactly what they were.
Just so you know, I didn’t get a picture because that would have been kind of weird, you know?
The woman was wearing shorts (remember, this is Phoenix, so shorts in November is no biggie) and her thighs were… shall we say… generously proportioned? Continue reading “Tattoo Pride”
Have you ever been to a Thanksgiving dinner where each guest is supposed to say something they’re thankful for? Don’t you just hate that?
Honestly, it wouldn’t be so bad if it wasn’t so darn lame. How many times can you hear “I’m thankful for my family,” or “I’m thankful for good friends,” without wanting to stab yourself with the olive pick?
But then I thought, hey, what if we spiced things up just a little? What if we were thankful for everything? After all, one thing I hear a lot (at least in church) is that we should be thankful in all circumstances.
Which can be a real challenge. Continue reading “Giving Thanks for Our Stories”
I haven’t done any book reviews and I’m not going to today. As a matter of fact, I haven’t even read this book. For all I know, it could be the creme de la creme of romance tales. But my God people, look at this cover!
Okay, so you have your prototypical romance cover. The strong male with the bulging biceps and unfortunate hairstyle, the swooning female with the long neck, the heaving chest, the three hands …
Wait … what? Three hands?
One on the ground, one resting on her leg, one holding his hand.
You have to wonder, how many people reviewed this illustration before it was selected as the book cover? And how long did it take for it to be noticed?
I don’t know about you, but these are the sorts of things I really enjoy.
I have no idea how Christina Dodd felt about it.
You may remember my post from last Saturday. I gave a writing prompt involving a cast off pair of undies and challenged you all to write a little story about it.
Many people visited the post, many clicked on the picture for a close-up of the undies, and many clicked on my “contact me” page, as if they were considering submitting a tale. (Can you tell I’m addicted to my stats page?)
Alas, no tale was submitted. This leads me to believe one of four things happened:
Continue reading “On Freedom and Fear and All That Lies Between”
Diane over at Ladies Who Lunch Reviews had jury duty a while back and commented on it here. Which led me to comment on my jury experience, which led us to create a wild notion of posting about our experiences at the same time!
Just what kind of crazy shenanigans are these bloggers up to? The mind reels!
You’ll also note I’m posting on a Monday rather than my usual Wednesday. So if you feel all discombobulated right now, that’s why. (I love that word, discombobulated. I’d use it more often, except I hate feeling discombobulated. I only like the word. not the experience.)
Anyway, I shall now conjure up for you my unpleasant memory of when I served on a jury with idiots. But true to the spirit of this blog, I’m going to give you helpful tips as well, so you can avoid ever having to serve on a jury with idiots yourself.
Continue reading “Jury, Schmury, Where’s the Deli?”
I know I’ve told you before about the park near our house where Dog and I like to walk. Truthfully, as far as parks go, it’s not much to brag about. But it’s serviceable and allows Dog a good run.
It’s also a nice place to walk if I need a bit of inspiration. Case in point, what I saw this week:
Alright, so what’s the story here? What causes a person to throw their underwear up in a tree? And before you immediately leap to something scandalous, remember this is a park within easy view of a major city street. (Also, this is a G-rated blog. Well, most of the time.)
On the other side of the brick wall are a number of thorny, desert plants and a sidewalk about eight feet away. So, pretty sure the underwear disposal happened on this side of the fence.
Also, you can’t tell from the photo, but the underwear is covered with little peace symbols. I think that should somehow play a part in the story.
I took a picture of the park rules, to give you a few guidelines. You’ll note that while we must keep Dog on a leash, there is not a rule against nudity.
For a bit of fun — email me your submission and the selected story will be highlighted on Feeding on Folly next Wednesday (Nov. 18). Added challenge: the story must be 500 words or less.
Deadline for submission: Tuesday, Nov. 17 at 8 p.m. MST.
The best part of this is that it will give me a chance to test my brand new Contact page — see it there? Way up on the menu bar? Click there to submit your story.
Ready … set … write! 🙂