A Safe Place for Misfits

I can’t remember if I’ve ever told you where I work? It’s at a large public high school — I’m one of the secretaries. Near my desk, immediately to the side of it, is a little sitting area with a sofa, chair and coffee table.

sofaThe woman who had this position before me policed the sitting area with great rigor. Students were never allowed to sit there.

If they did, she’d make snarky comments to them in a sugary sweet voice, along the lines of, “Oh, are you here to see the Principal? Shall I tell him you’re waiting?” And then she’d snicker as they scampered off.

It may not surprise you to learn I’m a wee bit more lenient. But please be aware, my leniency arises not so much from kindness, as apathy. I simply don’t care who sits there. My only rule is that they are quiet.

Lately I’ve come to the realization that in the three years I’ve been here, the sitting area has taken on a certain ambiance — a kind of geeky milieu, if you will.

I told the other secretaries we should start calling it “The Island of Misfit Boys.” Continue reading “A Safe Place for Misfits”

Party Planning for Friendly Anti-Socialites

We had our annual holiday get-together at our house this last weekend, where something like 25 to 100 people stopped by our little abode to partake in food, drink, and stimulating conversation.

partyTwenty-five is the more likely number of attendees, but it’s all a matter of perspective, right? A very social, extroverted person may have looked at our gathering and thought, “My, what a charming little party this is.” While a more private, introverted person might have thought, “GAHHH!!!”

Regular readers of this blog know that I lean more toward the latter than the former, so perhaps you’re wondering why I have these parties to begin with? Truth be told, in the days leading up to the events, I wonder it myself. But the fact is, I enjoy them.

I especially enjoy them when they’re over.

Also, I think we introverts have an obligation to society to show how parties should be done. Because from the parties I’ve thrown and the parties I’ve attended, I’ve come to one inescapable conclusion: Introverts throw better parties.

That is because, as with all things, we overthink them.

Continue reading “Party Planning for Friendly Anti-Socialites”

The Wheels of the Bus, Bus, Bus…

Earlier this week I had to take the bus home.

Normally I’d say that in a whiny, complaining tone, but I didn’t this time. Did you notice?

I didn’t complain for two reasons:

  1. I don’t want to be like one of the people mentioned in this article. I acknowledge my life is a relatively privileged one. I have a car to drive most days, and money to ride the bus the few days I don’t. So I’m not complaining, okay?
  2. I met a man who was über excited to take part in the entire public transportation experience.

I was standing at the bus stop, gloomily waiting, hoping for an empty seat — oh, who am I kidding? I was hoping for an empty bus. Not complaining, mind you. Just hoping.

Then this man walked up, interfering with my gloomy thoughts. Continue reading “The Wheels of the Bus, Bus, Bus…”

On Track for Self Improvement, or Derailed? You Decide.

Little confession to make here: I have spent a good portion of my life –  nay, let’s make that the majority of my life – as a perfectionist.

You know. One of those kinds of people.

But speaking on behalf of those kinds of people, I want you to know we really don’t mean to be assholes. It’s just that, you know … we want things to be perfect. And, um … the way you’re doing it? Whatever it is you happen to be doing at any given moment? We can easily think of three or four ways it could be done better. And we’d like you to know it.

Frankly, I would have happily remained a perfectionist if not for the fact I once salvador-dali-famous-quote-perfection-art-creativity1worked for a proud, self-proclaimed perfectionist.  I mean, OMG, was she an asshole! And then one day she said, “You’re just like me!”

Which really, really, pissed me off, you know? Especially when I realized it was true.

Since then I have  been on a mission to overcome this deep character flaw of mine, and I think I have finally succeeded. Really, I think I have!

Here, let me show you the evidence: Continue reading “On Track for Self Improvement, or Derailed? You Decide.”

Parking Lots, Lost Cars, and You

We all need certain people in our lives, right? Good friends, people we can be ourselves with, people we can have deep conversations with — people like that there.

I need an additional person: someone who will wander aimlessly in a parking lot with me looking for a lost car and not wig out. Fortunately, I have Daughter.

It is a sad fact that losing a car in a parking lot is not difficult for me. Typically my mind is on far more important matters than something as trivial as where I parked my car. Such as something I heard on the radio two weeks ago, an idea I have for an award winning play, or the classmate of mine from the sixth grade who had the most unusual body odor and seriously, what would cause a person to smell like the elephant pen at the zoo?

Geez, he was weird. What are the chances he had a pet elephant?

Where was I? Oh, yeah, the lost car. So anyway, done with our shopping, Daughter and I walk out from the shopping centerdesert ridge — I better give you a picture because this is not an ordinary shopping mall. This is Desert Ridge Marketplace in Phoenix, which has a big, sprawling, open plan. Shops and restaurants are everywhere and the parking lot was designed by an insane person. (I think this has been proven. I’m sure it has.)

We stare out over the sea of vehicles, I turn to her and ask, “Do you remember where we parked?” She turns to me, smiles, and says, “No idea. You?” Continue reading “Parking Lots, Lost Cars, and You”

A Guide to Women’s Sleepwear, Winter Edition

As I was out and about this last weekend enjoying enduring the holiday shopping madness, I couldn’t help but notice the variety of winter sleepwear available to women. bed

The reason I couldn’t help noticing is that Husband has an uncanny knack for parking by entrances leading straight into lingerie departments. It’s like some sort of weird psychic ability of his to know precisely where each store locates their underwear. I guess you could say it’s his superpower.

An amazing, yet completely unhelpful, superpower.

Anyway, I noticed that each article of sleepwear — regardless of its color or size — gave a very clear message. Or at least I thought the message was clear.

Don’t believe me? Here … let me show you: Continue reading “A Guide to Women’s Sleepwear, Winter Edition”

Tattoo Pride

sunshine-2

So I’m walking into Target behind a couple of women and I see that one of them has two tattoos, one on each thigh. Being the kind of person who loves to see what people have permanently etched onto their skin, I picked up my pace to see exactly what they were.

Just so you know, I didn’t get a picture because that would have been kind of weird, you know?

The woman was wearing shorts (remember, this is Phoenix, so shorts in November is no biggie) and her thighs were… shall we say… generously proportioned? Continue reading “Tattoo Pride”

Giving Thanks for Our Stories

Have you ever been to a Thanksgiving dinner where each guest is supposed to say something they’re thankful for? Don’t you just hate that?

Honestly, it wouldn’t be so bad if it wasn’t so darn lame. How many times can you hear “I’m thankful for my family,” or “I’m thankful for good friends,” without wanting to stab yourself with the olive pick?

o-THANKSGIVING-DINNER-ARGUMENT-GENERATOR-facebook

But then I thought, hey, what if we spiced things up just a little? What if we were thankful for everything? After all, one thing I hear a lot (at least in church) is that we should be thankful in all circumstances.

Which can be a real challenge.  Continue reading “Giving Thanks for Our Stories”

Mistakes Happen

doddI haven’t done any book reviews and I’m not going to today. As a matter of fact, I haven’t even read this book. For all I know, it could be the creme de la creme of romance tales. But my God people, look at this cover!

Okay, so you have your prototypical romance cover. The strong male with the bulging biceps and unfortunate hairstyle, the swooning female with the long neck, the heaving chest, the three hands …

Wait … what? Three hands?

One on the ground, one resting on her leg, one holding his hand.

You have to wonder, how many people reviewed this illustration before it was selected as the book cover? And how long did it take for it to be noticed?

I don’t know about you, but these are the sorts of things I really enjoy.

I have no idea how Christina Dodd felt about it.