Editor: Hello lovely readers. If you remember the last time we were here... actually, I hope you don’t remember the last time we were here, as it ended in a brawl. Anyway, since then, my alter egos and I have had several heart-to-heart discussions, and we decided to have another go at this. Our Reporter self—
Reporter: Hi everyone! So glad to be here!
Editor: Um, yes… well, our Reporter self has done a great deal of research on the topic of psychotherapy, read a number of books on the subject, and–
R: Actually, I just looked it up on Wikipedia.
R: You know, it’s really quite good. Wikipedia, I mean. Über helpful.
E: Really wish you told me that before I agreed to this.
R: Oh, now you’re being silly. Listen, all we really need to do is talk things out and everything will be fine.
E: Okay, but how can we talk things out if only two-thirds of us bother showing up?
(Door opens, Writer self walks in, takes seat next to Reporter.)
On my one side are Germans, and as I’m sure you’re well aware, Germans like beer. No surprise there, right? On my other side are Norwegians and they like beer too. Actually, Norwegians like a lot of beverages, many of them alcoholic in nature. The point is, beer is right up there.
By all logic, I should like beer. It’s in my blood.
But I don’t, and here’s why: when you are seven years old and you see a glass of what looks like apple juice and you really like apple juice so you drink the apple juice only it’s not apple juice so you spit it out and then get in trouble for spitting … well, it can cause some bitter feelings toward beverages impersonating apple juice.
This happened more than once, by the way, I was a slow learner.
Anyway, I realize I’m now a grown up and should be over this, but some childhood traumas take longer to heal from than others. And fake apple juice is huge. HUGE, I say!
So much so that if I were to hear a health report saying the secret to a long healthy life was a daily intake of beer, I would not be able to comply. I would think about it, though. Case in point: