Rockin’ the cradle: Heavy metal for the kiddos

Yes! It’s true — what we’ve all been longing for has finally happened.

Metallica wrote a children’s book!

Metallica book

I know what you’re thinking.

You thought it was enough singing little Timmy to sleep with the soft, melodic tones of “Creeping Death” and “Seek & Destroy.” Must you read to him as well?

But hear me out: this way Timmy can learn heavy metal and his ABC’s. At the same time!

No more will he ask why mommy wears so much leather, or wonder at the meaning of daddy’s tattoo — the one with the bloody hammer and the words, “KILL ‘EM ALL.”

Preorder your copy now and receive it in time for Christmas!

metal christmas

Full Disclosure: I’m 99.9% sure the target audience for this book are fans and collectors. Not children. Also, a portion of the sales goes to charity.

So there’s that.

And before any metalheads accuse me of casting aspersions on their band, let me set you straight: I recognize Metallica’s talent and influence. They are legend.

They’re not my cup of tea, but I recognize their talent.

When I was in high school my taste ran more toward oldies (Simon & Garfunkel and Cat Stevens). Though I was also fond of Led Zeppelin and Pink Floyd. (I believe I was about Timmy’s age when “Dark Side of the Moon” came into being.)

Oh, and sometimes in the early evening when the cloud cover was just right (for some reason it worked best with clouds), I could get a jazz station on my little radio that looked something like this:

radio

I’ve no idea if it was real jazz or not, but it seemed so to my teenage ears and I felt quite sophisticated listening to it. Later I came to appreciate classical music as well, my taste heavily influenced by Bugs Bunny.

The point is, I like a wide variety of music. Especially when it’s done well, and I can agree Metallica does their thing well.

But in case you’re one of those holdouts who think heavy metal isn’t all that heavy, just hear what a couple of classically trained musicians do with Metallica.

The video is a bit old – 2015! – but worth a listen just the same:

Rock on, baby. Rock on. 🎸