It’s Finished Flat Abs. I’m Over You.

We’ve grown apart over the years and lately, I’ve been thinking we were never meant to be together.

Do you remember when we first met? It was in that aerobics class in college. I was looking for an easy A, you showed up about a month later. I was impressed with your strength and… well, your flatness. And somehow you made me feel more pretty when we were together.

Cartoon woman doing situpsBut looking back, I wonder if I was ever truly happy in our relationship. Frankly, you were high maintenance, Flat Abs. Did you know that?

Nothing I did was ever good enough for you. If I gave you 30 sit-ups, you wanted 50; when I gave you 50, you wanted 75. Sometimes I think you enjoyed seeing me in pain.  Continue reading

Warning: What You Are About to Read Mentions Politics

Everyone, I’d like to introduce to you our neighbor, B.J.

batman2Or, as Daughter likes to call him, Batman.

Here are a few things I know about Batman:

  • He and his wife met in the Air Force.
  • He works in construction… or maybe it’s landscaping? It might be both. (I don’t pry.)
  • They are huge NASCAR fans. HUGE!
  • They like beer.
  • They have many friends, some from high school, some from the service, who share their love of NASCAR and beer.
  • He spends his free time in his garage, often with friends, where he keeps a couple couches, chairs, and a big screen TV. Also, there’s a Miller sign on the wall.
  • From his vantage point in the garage, he watches out for his neighbors; he keeps an eye on our houses when we’re gone, and is quick to offer help if needed.

It’s this last point that earned him the title of Batman from Daughter.

neighbor-hatIf we’re ever unloading a big piece of furniture or large stacks of lumber, there he is, helping us unload. He doesn’t ask, he just pitches in. I’ve seen him help other neighbors the same way, regardless of who they are or how difficult the job.

Once when we were laying out gravel for our backyard patio, he suddenly appeared with a wheelbarrow and shovel, cleared the pile of rocks in record time, and was gone before we had a chance to say thank you.

Also, Batman looks really swell with his shirt off. Thought I should mention that.

There are many other instances I could tell you about, but you get the point, right? Batman is one of the good guys. He’s a cool dude.

Oh, there’s one thing I forgot to mention: Batman is a Trump supporter.

We’ve never talked politics, but I overheard him talking to a friend. Between you and me, I wish I hadn’t. It’s a lot easier to like someone when you don’t know their political opinions.

But hey, he’s Batman. And I refuse to think of Batman as uneducated, hateful, deluded or a wackjob. I can’t even call him racist.

What’s more, I know other people just like him. I’m even related to a few. People who are decent, honest, law-abiding citizens, who plan on voting for Trump.

Do I understand it? No. But I don’t have to.

What I do know is that after the election is over and the dust settles (please, dear God, let it settle), we’re the ones who’ll have to sweep up the mess and return to our homes, our neighborhoods, and our workplaces. And wouldn’t it be nice if we could do it with a bit of respect for each other?

So maybe — just maybe — we should leave the mudslinging to the politicians and keep our own discussions civil.

Just a thought.



Public Restrooms: The Bane of My Existence

Last week I used a public restroom.

Disgusted cartoon face

I was going for a disgusted look. What do you think?

Horrifying, right? But I didn’t have a choice. And since I was in Target in a decent part of town, I thought I was safe.

What I didn’t realize was that it was previously occupied by someone who hates public restrooms more than I do. We’re talking a germaphobe of epic proportions!

How do I know this? Because every surface she came in contact with was covered with paper towels.

They were wrapped around the faucet handles she used to wash her hands, no doubt for the recommended 30 seconds. They were on the door handle she used to vacate the room, no doubt hurriedly.

They were even on the handle you use to get the paper towels, which still confuses me. I mean, how did she get the paper towel to cover the handle she had to use, in order to get the paper towel?

Maybe she keeps a stash in her purse?

And what of the toilet itself? Since the restroom lacked disposable seat covers (does anyone really believe those work?) she covered one of the seats with layers of toilet paper.

I took a picture, but I didn’t want to gross anyone out by having a picture of a public toilet on my blog. Feeding on Folly has standards, after all.

So, for the sake of decorum, I attempted to draw it.

Do you know how hard it is to draw a  toilet seat covered in toilet paper? Be kind. Continue reading

It Was One of Those Mondays

wp_20161003_17_13_24_pro“They dropped Richard,” she said to me, before I could reach my desk.

“Good morning,” I reply, never one to drop good manners. Especially if I can feel superior in the process.

She is one of our teachers, as well as one of our parents. Strangely, I see her most often in her parent role.

Teachers I like. Parents? Hit or miss. Mostly miss.

“Sorry. Good morning. Anyway, they dropped him. We got an email on Friday.”

They being the community college where young lad Richard is dual enrolled as a high school student. She is telling me this because I serve as the High School Dual Coordinator.

My title is not as impressive as you think, and I’m fully aware you’re not impressed. Continue reading

Birds: Helpful Neighbors or Ruthless Overlords?

treeA three day weekend before me, I had one plan and one plan only: to move a tree.

To be specific, a volunteer tree that was growing in a small shaded area between our home and the back fence. Far too close to both home and fence.

After some careful research, I determined it was a silk tree – Albizia julibrissin – and that it would make a pretty little shade tree near our front entrance.

My dad was a great one for transplanting volunteer plants, and I think of him whenever I follow his practice. Although my success rate is nowhere near as good as his, I like to think I’m improving.

I also tend to think it will go much faster than it actually does, because I forget I live in Phoenix. Digging a hole in Phoenix is not for the faint of heart.

After 20 minutes, this is what I accomplished:

Continue reading

Welcome to My Existential Crisis, Episode 5

In Which Our Alter Egos Discuss Life’s Purpose, Kierkekaard, and Peach Cobbler

If you missed our previous episode, click here.

Reporter: Hello everyone. Thank you for giving us another chance today. I know we thoughtfulhaven’t made the best impression the last few times.

Editor: Speak for yourself.

Reporter: What? You think you make a good impression? Don’t make me laugh.

Editor: I’m the only one who makes sense, so yes, I always make a good impression.

Reporter: (sighs) Maybe we should just start our discussion. And when we’re done, we can eat the Peach Cobbler I made. Is that all right with you?

Editor: Yes. I searched the room so I’m satisfied.

Reporter: What do you mean you ‘searched the room’?

Continue reading

A Fabulous Football Quilt From 1939

quiltA few days ago, someone brought a quilt into the office that was made by his great-aunt. She made it in 1939 when she was 15 years old, living in the small town of Ajo, Arizona.

Fifteen years old!

She made it in honor of her high school football team, the Red Raiders.

It’s clearly been well-cared for and the workmanship is excellent, but it was the attention to detail that impressed me the most.

See for yourself: Continue reading

Why I’ll Never Enter Another Contest

Have you ever read about lottery winners who won a huge jackpot, then messed up their lives?

That’s not the kind of contest I’m referring to, but even winning on a smaller scale has its drawbacks. Trust me on this.

Husband and I were at store recently and they had a drawing for a $25 gift card. As the guy was reading off numbers, I realized I was the only one not holding a ticket.

marbles1This was no accident. I duck past drawings, raffles, ‘guess-how-many-marbles-in-the-jar’ contests I see. Because I know, with my luck, I’d probably win.

And I’d probably hate it.

Because having my name announced in a room full of people brings back painful memories. Dark memories.

Such as the time I was in college…

Continue reading

Evel Knievel, Redux

Holy cow, guys, check this out!

Remember back in June when I visited Idaho and soared over Snake River Canyon (in my dreams) just like Evel Knievel tried to do in 1974? (I wrote about it here.)

Well, turns out someone is going to do it for real! Possibly TODAY! (weather permitting)

Hollywood stuntman, Eddie Braun, is going to attempt the jump in a replica of Knievel’s rocket cycle. According to CNN, they made improvements to the parachute system but other than that, the technology is the same.


You can read the full article HERE.

Sounds like Eddie is getting a lot of criticism over it, but personally I think it’s cool.

It’s cool he’s not using the original launchpad, thereby keeping it intact. It’s cool he’s not using modern technology, instead trusting Knievel’s vision.

Plus, there’s this:

It’s not about doing something Evel Knievel couldn’t do. It’s about fulfilling his dream,” he said. “How many people get to fulfill the dream of their hero?” -Eddie Braun

They hope to have a livestream of the event. If so, I’ll be watching.

God speed, Eddie Braun. I hope you fly like the wind. 🏍


He did it!😀  Here’s the video: